This month marks the two year anniversary of my abusers death. I have previously mentioned that he committed suicide and since that day I have decided that I wouldn’t make any attempt to remember when his death was as I feel that this wouldn’t help me to move forward from the abuse.
At the time I experienced a lot of emotions, I was angry because he took away my chance of getting justice for what he had done to me, I felt relieved because I wasn’t going to have to face him again. I felt sad because I had lost a family member, I was frustrated at myself for feeling sad at his death.
However the past few weeks I have been feeling ‘strange’ which is the only way that I can describe it. I have been feeling very low and down some days and others I would be feeling very high. I wasn’t able to stay focused on anything and I was feeling very confined in work, and at home. Normally I would be able to identify the reasoning behind it but this time I couldn’t. It wasn’t until the other day, I realised that we had just passed the anniversary of my abusers death. In some ways it felt like I was experiencing all of the same emotions and feelings as I did at the time of his death.
I am thankful that I have come as far as I have and am now feel I’m in a much more positive place than what I was two years ago. There is always going to be hurdles to overcome but now I finally realise that I am progressing and at times without even realising I am doing so.
– Stacey xo
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