At times I can have an unhealthy obsession with food. I don’t speak about this very often but I think it is important for me to put it out there as it is one of those things that looking back I did a subconsciously but really it had quite a big meaning.
Originally before anyone knew I was being abused I used to just not eat. I ended up ridiculously thin at one point and I was eating very little. I wasn’t obsessed with my weight but just the idea of taking the control over how much I actually ate from my parents. I would pretend to fill my bowl with cereal at breakfast but instead crunch the cereal up in my hand and sprinkle it in the bowl (I didn’t like milk on my cereal) to look like there had been something in it, I’d throw my packed lunch away and just eat the things that were sugary which meant chocolate bars, biscuits and cakes would keep me going, I’d try and find every excuse under the sun to not eat my dinner. But my parents were a lot more determined than I was.
I was a complete nightmare for my parents. It caused a lot of arguments.
But that didn’t stop me from doing it as I really needed to have control over something in my life and food was the easiest thing for me to have control over.
It is crazy to look back now especially as I am nowhere near as fussy as I used to be when it comes to the food I am willing to eat.
I spoke about this briefly with my counsellor back at university and she told me that this was within the category of an eating disorder. At the time I thought great… Another thing wrong with me. Although when I really thought about it she was right and it is so important for me to understand all of these things so that I can be aware of these little things in the future so that I can get help with them if I feel that I need to or see any warning signs!